I am old and I know it

My recent experience in the Les Mills' KUL Quarterly Workshop gave me a somewhat mixture of feelings. Yep, I only attended BODYJAM and missed the awesome Michelle Dean in Sh'bam because I was attending Sha's aqad which was held that very morning. Nevertheless, that one BODYJAM masterclass made me...

1. Missing my old jammer-friends.

2. Missing the good ol' days when other programs' education sessions were distracted and somewhat disturbed due to jammers' havoc & cam-whore nature. 

*both before & after the masterclass, siap kena warning, haha!

3. Missing the 'gathering' sessions after the workshop.

4. Missed the feelings I always get when I didn't have enough dance space because of my stubbornness to maintain my 'front-liners' position in the class. 

*perks of being front-liners: May get unnecessary but heartwarming attention from presenters, can catch the steps faster, get to be in the pictures more.

5. Felt like the crowd attending the masterclass was.. tak meriah. What more with such poor number of attendance :( 

...and also experience these...

1. Proud of Zazabam for giving good performance during the masterclass.

2. For the 1st time dance with so much space, with no disturbance whatsoever! Owh yeah, I was standing at the back of the room during the whole class.

3. Don't feel that 'awe moment' when watching the presenters on the stage. Like; 'Wah gempak lah!', or 'Wah liao, so hebat!'.. Not to say that they are not good. Of course they are awesome! But maybe because I'm personally close to some of them right from when they are 'nobody' to 'somebody', one in particular trained with me in NRSW programme and now presenting in the previous BODYJAM dvd. So.... Hmm..

4. Felt so old. The newbies are the front-liners now. 

5. Had only one picture tagged during the Quarterly for the first time. Erk..

I'm just another popular has-been, a forgotten old ex-BODYJAM instructor. *sigh*

Macam sedih kan? Tak langsung la! *lol*.. I actually had fun during the quarterly. It's just that it would be more wonderful if my old friends were there. There was only a few of us old jammers with a handful of newbies during this quarterly's BODYJAM masterclass. I wished that the crowd was bigger and being more responsive during the class. For godsake, it's the 60th release of BODYJAM yo! I can foresee myself attending more quarterly workshops held outside KUL, if this unhealthy pattern of attendance continues. Whatever it is, miss you old jammers A LOT! :'-(

A long recap for the missing 3 months of blogging

Where have I been all this while? What happened to me? Why the missing for three months of blogging? Well.. There are just too many to write & to tell actually. However, I'll try my best to simplify my happenings so that this entry won't be too draggy, too long and too damn boring for you people! ;)

How was BODYJAM 49 at LM Q2 workshop in KL?

It was fun. Quite an interesting experience & a fine opportunity not to be missed. We had a great time; Leo, Azyei & I. I actually couldn't sleep the whole night prior to the event. Excited? Nervous? Maybe. Some glitches happened here and there but overall it was a superb presentation. Might be our only chance to be on stage with LMAP presenters after all, so yeah we did our best & had super fun time shaking our booty with them! ;)

What happened after Q2?

A LOT had happened.

It started with a minor spotting on Q2 day (spotting: tiny brownish rubbery textured discharge). My period was supposed to be due by then but the spotting was too weird to be defined as menstruation blood. Plus, I had experienced frequent mild lower abdomen cramps few weeks prior to that day. Did pregnancy self test and it turned out to be positive. I was worried because the signs I was having might lead to a not-so-good outcome.

Visited my regular ob/gyn in SJMC the next day. The baby was 5-weeks old and looked good. I had 'missed abortion' or 'missed miscarriage' symptoms and was scheduled for the next check-up in one week time. I was given folic acid to aid early baby growth (as usual) and dydrogesterone to treat missed miscarriage cases.

The following week, baby has grown to 6-week old and looked better. Clear heartbeat was detected on the ultrasound. Can't describe how relieved I was on that particular moment. Was given more dydrogesterone and folic acid. I was due for the third check-up in two weeks time.

The spottings finally stopped on the 10th day, ie three days after my second check-up. However, it returned again a day before my third ob/gyn follow-up. I was so worried. Visited the hospital the next day and the ultrasound showed that the baby was not developing well (measuring 6cm at 8 weeks old). I couldn't even see the heartbeat anymore. I was told by doctor to continue my folic acid & dydrogesterone, and come back in two weeks time for another check-up. She told me that there might still be hope but if it's a missed miscarriage case, then I might have to think about having a D&C procedure.

I was devastated.

I couldn't wait long enough and went to SJMC the following week on Friday, 26th June 2009. The doctor confirmed that I had missed miscarriage and said that I could have my D&C done the very same day if I was emotionally ready. I talked to mama and Bard and held back my tears all the time. I decided to have my D&C that day. I had my bloodwork done and waited for my turn to be up at the Daycare Surgical Unit. However, I was sent home that very day as there was a mix-up information happening between my caregivers and so my D&C was pushed to be done the next day.

I went home and cried my heart out on Bard's shoulders.

On Saturday, 27th June 2009, I went to SJMC with Bard on tow. I was pretty nervous as this is very first time to be in a real OT. My hands & feet went ice cold. The nurses there were a bunch of sweerhearts! They talked, consoled & joked just so that I didn't get all stressed out before the procedure. The anaesthetic doctor is something else. He has a persona of a stern discipline teacher and the way he looms himself from one patient to another was quite, errr, scary. But he's kind to me, hehe. The procedure took place at about 9.20am. I was put to general anaesthetic and slept through the whole procedure. I woke up at 10am and everything had gone smooth & well. I was given a 2-day MC and went home at 11.30am.

Mama stayed at home and took care of me for three days. I recovered very fast and was on food 'confinement' for 3 weeks long (mama's advice). I joined Shape's night run (for fun) on 25th July and adidas KOTR on 2nd August 2009. I didn't manage to get any medal for both runs but I'm proud cause I managed to complete the run successfully even when I had my D&C done about a month before. I am healthier now and ready to try for another baby soon! :)

Social life during the "MIA"?

Ha! As I said, right after I recovered from my D&C I started exercising lightly and managed to participate in two big running events. Well, that's MY social life so yeah, it made me feel happy, heheh.

Watched Merchants of Bollywood at Istana Budaya (courtesy of Alec Chen) and mygosh, it's super-AWESOME! The energy, the dance, the music, the DANCERS! Wow, wow, wow! We enjoyed it very very much! Thanks Chen! :D

Had a small surprise birthday gathering for Bard in DU on 23rd July (don't forget the superdelicious Go-Go-DIVA! cake, thanks loads to Aribiah Murugagu Baroqbah Marqonah al-KUNTUM Adjma'ieeeen) and a birthday-cum-karaoke-party with the Harunsz guys on 24th July (lurveeee the Spice Girls-cum-PCD-cum-N'Sync show, hehe!).

Watched a dance theatre performance by DBKL titled Sardu on 26th July and what a superb show it was! Had a great long chat with our beloved dance sifu, Encik Jasni Hamid after the performance.

The following weeknights were spent in Auditorium DBKL watching Festival Tari Malaysia. All six zones had done their best and I appreciate their dedication & effort to make this festival happen. Well done Malacca, Penang, Sarawak, Selangor, Johore & Sabah! As I expected, Sabah bagged most of the FTM awards, taking away with them 5 trophies for 5 catagories and cash amounting RM55,000! Like, super-WOW!

Went to The Curve on 2nd August to support a friend who planned to go to the audition for the Biggest Loser Asia (but he arrived too late & the registration was closed, schucks!). I ended up watching 'The Taken (or Taking?) of Pelham 123' instead. What a superb movie! Two thumbs-up for the genius plot, awesome script and outstanding performances by the none other John Travolta & Denzel Washington. Oh yeah, I also managed to catch all the blockbusters on the big screen (some with friends, some with family) such as Ice Age3, Transformers 2 and Harry Potter 6.

Coming up next, picnic with Harunsz! Oh yeah!

So in conclusion, my life after my pregnancy loss is not so depressing after all, right? ;)

How about BODYJAM?

Hmmm.. I have not taught BODYJAM class for soo soooo long! I don't know if I can remember how to teach it, haha. But I still enjoy the program very much. How can I say no to a good cardio workout that combines crazy dancemoves & heartpumping awesome music? I cannot say NO! I'm thinking about taking a long break from teaching though. A long long looong break ;)

How about family?

After my D&C, I have not visited my mama until now. Reason? Both of us are busy. My brother Faisal is now working in Ipoh, as a lecturer in a college. My sister Fara is currently in UTP Tronoh. So my mom were being kind of busy and hectic. These two kids of hers left to Perak Darul Ridzuan week after another. When my sister came home for a short break, she dragged my mom to accompany her while she's doing her assignments at public wiFi areas (alasan mama nak melepak kat Mydin je tuh, konon kat situ wiFi senang, cheh). And now my brother is back in town for a week because the college he's teaching at are closed due to H1N1 precautionary measures. So I think my mom's life is kind of hectic herself lately :)

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So basically, that's what happened within those missing three months of blogging. Hope you guys didn't puke or sleep while reading this long and boring entry, hehe. Till then, see ya in the next entry! *muacks*

This Is Not Easy

This comes with responsibility. This is not about the limelight. This is not about the glamour. This is pure passion. This is pure work. This is what we take seriously.

BODYJAM 49. HERE WE COME.

Weird Feeling

I think I should be happy. But somehow I am not THAT happy. There are other priorities in my life at the moment. Things that I really look forward to and so ready to have. But not THAT one. I have never seen it coming. I would be lying if I said I didn't feel anything. Of course I do feel SOMETHING.

I felt honoured.

I felt like my existence is somehow noted.

I finally felt OUR existence are noted.

I felt as if I was being acknowledged for the hard work done all these years, for OUR hard work and efforts all these years.


Honestly, I feel relieved that somehow, my sister is finally at the brink of getting off the hook. The hook that's somehow silently strangling her, choking and spitting lies which claiming her choices were blinded by favouritism. Her judgements were clouded by misleading mists of friendship. That she is a person who values one by their colour.

If one of us does get this, I hope that would shut the hell their bloody mouths up. I don't really care if it's only for mere 5 minutes or the whole 55 minutes of public display. I don't care who gets it, as long as it's one of us.

As long as it's one of us.

And if one of us does get it, I'm so gonna celebrate it! ;)

Taking A Time Off

After faling in and out of sickness for so many times this year, I finally decided to take my time off from teaching BODYJAM. Just for a month, in case if you're wondering. The timing couldn't have been better. Work at the office is getting more and more hectic, I basically stayed in the office late almost everyday eversince I return from my long MC.

What long MC? A very, very long MC after Langkawi trip my dear friends.

I doubt I got the illness from Langkawi, but lack of rest, excessive heat and too much sun and sea could be the main culprit which caused me the high fever and the prolonged cough. I haven't recovered from my cough when I went to Langkawi but it got even more worse after I had the high fever.

Amsyhar started the sickness chain in the family, being the first to have high fever at temperature of 38.3C complete with vomit and diarrhoea. The next day both kids started coughing and having runny nose. So I took two days EL courtesy of the kids. Sunday night my temperature raised to 37.5C and my whole body ached. I honestly didn't think four consecutive BODYJAM classes from 19th - 22nd March was the reason why I had the bodyache. I suspected I might be having a bad case of flu. So on Monday I went to Poliklinik Kelana Jaya and had a check up done. The doctor had my lungs X-rayed and she theorised that my long gone asthma is revisiting me again. All this time I was never on the pump. I finally got my own that day. The pharmacist gave me her curious look when I told her that was my first inhaler of my life and I don't know how to use it. After two pathetic tries, I went home with the inhaler, a packet of paracetamol and a bottle of cough syrup. No medication was given for my suspected flu.

Monday night my temperature shot up to 39.7C. After taking paracetamol, my temparature varied between 38.6C - 39.7C. My whole body ache like hell. I tried taking the inhaler with hope it'll releieve my coughings. Too bad, it only caused me major headache soon after using it. I didn't feel any difference and it didn't 'control' my coughing whatsoever. Fever got worse. Runny & blocked nose got worse too. Headache kicked in too often. I fell in and out of sleep and lost my sense of time and what's happening around me.

Tuesday morning I went to a private clinic in the neighborhood. I seriously didn't have the strength to wait for hours at the Poliklinik, just to get a WRONG prescription by the doctor. After the longest 30 minutes of wait, I got to see the doctor. No blood test were taken since I didnt bear any evident signs of dengue or chikugunya. I was given a two-day MC and I was adviced to have my blood tested if the fever continues till Thursday. This doctor also told me that I don't have any asthma since my lungs were very clear despite my violent prolonged cough.

Thursday, I went to the office thinking I'll be okay. Bad news. I was NOT okay. Bodyache still there, but not too strong. Cough got worse. Phlegm & nose secreation were both thick and yellow in colour. Gross. I was like a half-dead at the office. I even forgot HOW to reply an email ok. My mind suddenly went blank and I stared at the email thinking how the hell am I suppose to do to reply this thing. It was that bad. Back at home, Nadia was having fever. Her temperature varries between 37.8C - 38.3C.

On Friday morning, I brought Nadia to SJMC for check up cause her fever didn't subside after 2 days of constant home medication. She was immediately been given a suppository tablet to reduce her temperature. Then her blood was tested. She's such a brave little girl. The amount of blood taken for the test was A LOT okay. Nadia had bacteria infection in her blood and was given a 5-day course of antibiotic. After SJMC, I drove myself to the private clinic and got myself a 3-day course of antibiotic for the prolonged cough. Another MC for me.

So yesterday was basically my first day back to the office after my Langkawi holiday. And my god, tonnes of work need to be done! I'm still coughing but it's not as bad as it was on last Friday. Still have runny nose but at least it's not as bad as it was on last Thursday. Right now, I'm still recuperating and totally on BODYJAM leave. It's good to finally rest, relax (?) and recover. Hope I'll get better soon! :)

This Is What Happened In IOI

Last night was a close one. I wasn't prepared to handle such a thing. I have no back up. No Plan B. Certainly one of the most terror moments in my life.

Primetime BODYJAM slot. IOI. Attendance 35-40. AND MY MP3 PLAYER'S DEAD! :O

I have charged the battery. It was full when I checked it the first time. Just before I went off to IOI, I rechecked the battery status. It turned from 3-full-bars to two bars*. I thought, 'OK. What's wrong with you? This is not good'. I thought maybe if I reboot my Zen, the displayed battery bar will be boosted up to full-3-bars. This has happened to me before so I was pretty sure that my Zen was just having its bimbo moments. So I rebooted it. But it didn't work. It was 5 minutes to 5pm. I have left with NO time at all to charge it till it's full. I should've brought my Zen charger along so that I could charge it in IOI. But being so 'intelligent', I LEFT my charger in the office and headed to IOI with full confidence that my Zen was fooling around with me.

*Crash course for readers to understand the relation of bars and battery level: 3-bars = full battery; 2 bars = moderate; 1 bar = weak or i'm gonna be dead real soon; 0 bar = RIP.

To make things worse, I didn't even thought of conserving the battery for the class. I listened to my Zen for at least 40 minutes before my class started. On normal condition, my Zen's 2 bars will normally last for AT LEAST ONE HOUR before it turns to 1 bar. 1 bar can normally be stretched up for another hour before it's completely flat. But I guess my Zen was just being plain old and showing its signs of aging at the wrong time.

By the time my class started, it turned from 2 bars to 1 bar. I thought, 'This is NOT gonna last long'. I'd hoped I was wrong. Sadly, I was correct.

About 20 minutes later (after warm-up and latin tracks from release #42) my mp3 WENT OFF. I WENT WHITE WITH HORROR. It was COMPLETELY OFF ok. I hunted the GXM down and asked if him if he has an iPod charger. Heck, I even asked the members and the frontdesk staffs if any of them has an iPod charger. Little I know that the USB for iPod charger is totally different from Zen's.

The GXM gave me his iPod and his charger, but the USB charger didn't fit into mine. Furthermore, he has only BODYJAM 45 and 46 in his iPod. I on the other hand wanted to do BODYJAM #42 second block. Shah was there and he brought his iPod along but he doesn't have BODYJAM #42 second block.

What the hell? I didn't even brought my BODYJAM 42 CD along *hitting head on the wall*. Guess I have to resort to other BODYJAM release for second block options, no?

Somehow, after rebooting it repeatedly and switching it on-and-off violently, my Zen was magically powered up and managed to sing out loud once again. I was SO RELIEVED. Surprisingly, my Zen managed to stay strong and kept on rocking until the end of the class. I managed to do Keep It Coming, Umbrella, #42 second block and Beautiful Liar, and covered the full 60 minutes class successfully! There was a time when the song suddenly stopped (Get Down- Groove Amarda), but it wasn't about the battery. It was Zen, having its bimbo moments again. The battery however, stuck to 1-bar till the end.

Phew. Thank God. Next time bring the charger along ya little missy 'intelligent'.

p/s: Thanks IOI for being such a great support. Love y'all!*muacks*